Vindicated Dichotomy?

I am listening to Dashboard Confessional's 'Vindicated', that song which added a whole new sphere of meaning to Spiderman 2 last year.

And I just felt this urge to write about something I've been wanting to write for a long time.

One has definitely heard this before.

"Love hurts."

Does it really?

Must it?

Should it?

I don't know. I've not been in love before. But what I feel is this. Love doesn't need to hurt.

Why do you think people say that love hurts?

Expectations.

Ideals.

Wants.

Aspirations.

These four things are definitely present in people all over the place. About what you ask? About love and their lovers.

I have to confess, for the past one and half months, I've been pained so much. It hurt so much for so many things. Some are not meant to be described. However, one of those things was to love someone.

Yea. It's time to confess. I really want to love someone, to bring a smile to my lover's face, to hold her when the stars start to fall. To whisper my love in her ears. To just look in her eyes and be lost in them. To feel her sweet breath on me. To hold her hands and lose time forever. To feel her lips and transcend space. To smell her hair and lose faith in the fragrance of flowers. To feel her close to me in soul, spirit, mind and body.

To know her mind, her aspirations, her ideals, her dreams, her fantasies, her intelligence, her arguments, her temper, her happiness, her sorrow. Her entire being. Her soul, mind, spirit and body. To be her support when she needs someone and to be her wellwisher, her critic and...

Just to love her for who she is. Can't describe it any better than that.

And yet, I crave independence. In life. In a relationship. I can't stand it when I have to be with someone all the time. Answering to their every whim and fancy. To feel them breathing down my neck. To answer for every move I make. I crave freedom. Independence. Just simply put. And I expect my lover to want her own freedom too. I'd want my lover to experience freedom too.

Lovers need a holiday sometimes.

But no matter how far I go, I'll still come back to you. Circling you, embracing you with my love and to let you know that once you have my love, its not going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you until God calls me home. And that too is for a short while. Because we'll have eternity to be together after that in Heaven. Its not a perfect love I'll love you with, but I'll make all the effort via God's grace to make a love that doesn't die.

For all those girls who want a knight in shining armor, I am not what you're looking for.

I'm a knight alright. But no shining armor on me, darlings. I'm flawed. Seen a whole lot of hate, sorrow, and all other things in between. My armor is stained with those experiences.

But I know one thing. How to find joy in all these things. How to just let people know that through it all, Im there if they need anyone and most importantly, God is there beside all the time. He knows.

I find no point in seeing life through darkened shades and whatever view that makes it look morose. LiveStrong and live life with a purpose. A resoluteness. A determination to make things happen. For others.

Nobility.

Honor.

Faith.

Hope.

Charity.

I'm a knight. I've been called a weirdo. I've many strange dichotomies. Are they vindicated?

Vindicated?
I'm selfish
I'm wrong,
I'm right,
I swear I'm right..
Swear I knew it all along..
And I'm flawed....

My only vindication is Christ Jesus. To Him I belong.

Vindicate me, Lord.